Fantasy Football: The Constitution for the Clueless Girl

I don’t think anyone from outside of the Fantasy Football bubble knows just how serious of a situation this process is, there’s a constitution. And if your league commissioner is anything as serious as mine, he will have it notarized at his work before the draft party.

My commish’ emailed us all trying to get the best dates for our draft party and it completely slid under my radar that there was a word document attached. I opened it to find a 9 page document on rules, regulations, points systems, draft order selection parameters and a breakdown of everyone’s roster composition structures.

First thought: WTF

Looking back: W.T.F.

After the initial freak out of the complexity, you realize it’s mostly just the bros being official about everything and most of it will be things you were already told, but they need to be in writing, presumably for the bros who play with high stakes. Every league has its own rules on certain aspects of their league, here are some things that I’ve found can vary:

  • League size (how many humans are you playing with)
  • Team size (how many NFL players are on your individual teams)
  • How you decide draft order (random, previous years placement, ridiculous and arbitrary game like rock, paper, scissors)
  • Draft order (straight down the line i.e. 1-12 and repeat, or down the line and back up the line also known as ‘snaking’ 1 through 12, then 12 through 1 and repeating with that pattern)
  • When your weekly picks are locked (the point each week in which you cannot make any changes to your lineup – typically at kickoff for each respective player’s game)

Hopefully whichever league you join is scored and tracked electronically (i.e. Yahoo! sports, ESPN, etc.) because the scoring portion of our constitution is almost an entire page’s worth of material alone. Every time one of the players runs, passes, tackles, eats, drinks, or has a bowel movement there’s an adjustment to their score I’m pretty sure, so keeping track of it manually would be an absolute nightmare. Either way, be sure you also know what the scoring structure is (also found in your constitution) so you draft people strategically based on how your league distributes points.

Basically, it’s likely going to be a lot of information so take in everything you can or wing it. Just know though, if you don’t follow the constitution you’re going to be completely Gretchen Weiner’ed and you’ll probably deserve it.

Gretchen Weiners


Still Confused?

Vocabulary to know
The little bit that you need to know about your Defense
The Offense – where your research needs to happen


 

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